In the shadows
by katie1999
Summary: NWZ Felipe is as trapped by Zorro as Diego and decides to do something about it. Felipe's POV. Just a short one for Diana and all other Felipe fans.


**In the shadows**

He had been living in the shadow for years now. In the shadow of a great man who was his father and his hero. It was his task to help and to hide keeping all attention from himself while the other stood in the center of attention. It had been easier when he had been merely a boy and a servant. But now he was grown up and almost a man. He could no longer play hide and seek, hiding somewhere to overhear conversations, gathering information Zorro would need for his survival.

He needed to think about his future, but he knew there wasn't any. He was trapped in this masquerade as much as Zorro himself. As long as Zorro was needed, he was needed too, silently standing by his side offering his help when needed. He didn't complain and never would. It wasn't only gratitude but love for the man who had taken him in as his own when he had been a scared helpless child alone in the battlefield that had left him without parents.

But the pressure from the situation grew with every day, every month, every year Zorro continued to ride. What had only been intended as a single act to free two persons from jail, had become a life consuming task that never seemed to end. There was no hope for a personal life as long as Zorro was needed and there was no end in sight.

He had seen others in his age who had started to court a señorita of their age they had fallen in love with. Soon they would be engaged or even married. But how could he start courting a woman with his inability to speak? He couldn't even let them know that he could hear! He had to endure all the hurtful remarks others thought he didn't hear with their backs turned to him. People thought him stupid when his father had actually taught him everything he knew over the years. He was a good swordsman too, but except for their private training lessons he wasn't able to display his skills to anyone else. It would be difficult to explain where he had learned to fight when his father was supposed to be inept with a sword.

He needed to find a solution for Zorro. Freeing Zorro would free him too. There was no other way. He would never abandon Zorro and his task of helping him.

He looked at Victoria, the tavern owner who was the secret love of his father Don Diego and the very public love of Zorro.

He couldn't stand it anymore how she was treating his father and he needed to do something. It took Victoria some time to understand his signs.

"Felipe, you're asking me why I'm so mean to Diego?" Victoria translated. "I'm not mean to Diego, he's my friend!" "I am treating him mean? I hurt him?" Victoria looked shocked. "No, you must be wrong, Felipe!" He nodded, confirming his earlier signs.

"Tell me how I hurt him, Felipe! Why didn't he say a word?"

"Diego loves me?!" He nodded. He knew his father wouldn't be happy for telling her, but it needed to be said. Victoria was stunned and she started to cry. "No, it just can't be, Felipe. He never said a word."

"Are you sure, Felipe?" He nodded determinedly.

"Thank you for telling me, Felipe." Victoria still looked shocked and she wiped her tears away with her handkerchief.

"Felipe, there you are, I have been looking for you." Diego entered the kitchen of the tavern. Then he looked at Victoria. "Victoria, is something wrong? Why are you crying?" Victoria looked from him to Diego. "It's nothing, Diego. I'm alright."

"You're sure, Victoria?"

"Yes, Diego." Diego looked at her concerned before he motioned Felipe to follow him.

"Felipe, why was Victoria crying?" Felipe looked remorsefully and Diego caught it immediately. "Did you say something to her?"

Felipe shrugged his shoulders. "I know you, Felipe! So what did you tell her?"

'I told her that you love her!' he signed. Diego looked at him incredulously. "You told Victoria that I love her? How could you do that! I told you that in confidence." It hurt him that Diego was disappointed in him, now that he had violated his trust. 'How much of a secret is it? The whole pueblo knows that Zorro is in love with her. She needs to know, you need to move on.' he defended his action. 'We both need to move on.'

Diego looked surprised at his outburst, "What do you mean by that, Felipe? That we both need to move on?"

Felipe tried to explain, signing, but he soon realized that it was too complex to explain with mere gestures. Frustrated he stopped his signing and only looked at Diego helplessly.

Diego took him by the arm and led him to the horse. "I understand that it's difficult for you to express yourself sometimes. We'll talk about it at home, maybe with the help of pen and paper."

At the hacienda they went into the cave to talk privately. Diego sat down at his desk and Felipe took his usual seat opposite him. Diego put a piece of paper and a pen in front of him.

"You can write down what you want to say." Suddenly unable to express himself, Felipe hesitated. Only now did he realize what he had done. He had exposed Diego to Victoria and maybe ruined their friendship. What if he had destroyed it all? Would Diego forgive him?

'I'm sorry,' he signed. 'I'm really sorry, please.'

"What I want to know why you did it, Felipe. Why now? Why today?"

Felipe was at loss for words and signed helplessly. Finally he took the pen and wrote down at the paper what he had wanted to express earlier.

"_You need to move on, you need to marry Victoria and I need to move on too."_

"What do you mean with you need to move on? What does that have to do with you?"

"_I want to get out of here!"_

"Please, Felipe, explain what troubles you," Diego tried to understand him.

"_I don't want this life anymore, I want my own life." _He showed his frustration.

"Your own life? Don't you have one now?"

"_No! And I can't stand it anymore!"_

"Haven't you got anything, Felipe?" Diego was shocked by his outburst. "You are a de la Vega now, you are my son! The world is open to you."

"_No, it's not. I can't do anything as long as you're riding as Zorro."_

"Felipe, I'm sorry if you think you're trapped by Zorro. Zorro can manage without you."

"_That's not the truth, Father and you know it. You need someone to help you, to distract to soldiers and to take care of you when you're wounded."_

"So that's why you told Victoria today?"

Felipe nodded. 'Will you forgive me, Father?'

Diego hugged him. "Of course, Felipe. I love you. And maybe you did the right thing. I never realized how much my life as Zorro traps you too. I will do what I can to change it."

Z Z Z

The next day Felipe accompanied his father to the pueblo. As always Diego first went to the tavern to look for Victoria.

After Victoria had brought them their drinks to the table, she addressed Diego. "Diego, I need to talk to you. Would you come to the kitchen?"

Diego instantly rose from his seat after throwing him a look. "Of course, Victoria."

Felipe normally didn't eavesdrop on his father, but he needed to know how their conversation was going and what he had triggered with his remark yesterday. Pretending to be searching for something at the floor close to the curtain he could overhear the talk in the kitchen and see their faces through the rift in the curtain.

"Diego, Felipe told me yesterday that you love me," Victoria questioned his father. "Is it true?"

Diego smiled a little. "Yes it is."

"Why didn't you ever say something, Diego?"

"Would it change something, Victoria?" Diego looked at her intensely.

"I'm not sure, Diego," Victoria was suddenly shy. "Will you give me time to find out?"

"Any time you need, Victoria." Diego looked at her longingly as if he was about to kiss her, but then he turned away instead. Felipe hurried back to his seat and looked expectantly at his father when he sat down at his table.

Diego only smiled at him, sipping his drink. "I don't think I need to tell you about my conversation with Victoria, since you heard everything."

Felipe stared at him. 'How do you know?'

"First of all I saw a movement in front of the curtain and second I saw the dust on your knees." Felipe hurried to dust off his knees. "As long as you wore a servant's attire nobody wondered if your knees were dusty, but on the trousers of a caballero suit it shows."

Z Z Z

The next weeks Diego spent most of his free time with Victoria as himself while cutting his attention as Zorro short. Felipe didn't mind that his father had now less time for him if it meant that Diego and Victoria were finally getting closer. Diego was often in a good mood when he returned from his meetings with Victoria and Felipe was beginning to hope.

Felipe was in the cave taking care of Toronado when Victoria came into the library to talk to Diego who was working on a painting.

"Victoria, it's good to see you," Diego greeted her rising from his seat. "Is something wrong? Why did you cry?"

"I just needed to see you, Diego. Can you please hold me?" Victoria more or less threw herself in his arms.

"What happened?"

"I'm free again. Zorro," Victoria started to cry again, "he came last night and asked back his ring that he gave me at our engagement. And now I ask myself if he ever loved me."

Diego held her tight. "Victoria this might be the wrong time, but would you accept a ring from me? Would you marry me?"

"You Diego?" Victoria looked at him.

"You know that I love you, Victoria. Could you imagine to marry me instead of a legend?"

Victoria looked at him while he waited expectantly for her answer.

"Yes, I think I can imagine to be your wife, Diego. I think I love you too."

Diego drew a ring from his pocket and taking her hand he slipped the ring on her finger. Only when he released her hand again, Victoria had a chance to look at the ring.

"But that is my ring, Diego. That's the one Zorro gave me!"

"Does it mean..?"

"Yes, I'm Zorro. I'm sorry to hurt you, Victoria. I only took back the ring to give it to you as the man and not as the legend. Forgive me, please."

"I'm not sure if I can forgive you so easily for your deceit, Diego."

"Doesn't it count anything that I have always loved you, Victoria? Will you throw it all away?" Diego sounded desperate.

"Hold me, Diego. Show me that you love me!"

When they started kissing, Felipe was embarrassed and turned away from the spyhole to continue with his work again. After he was finished, he wanted to leave the cave again, but as usual he looked through the spyhole first. They were still kissing and Felipe couldn't come out without interrupting and making his presence known. He tried to occupy himself with something in the cave, but he got soon impatient. Spying into the library he couldn't believe how long they could kiss. Didn't they need to breath? Annoyed to be locked in the cave, he decided to give Toronado another grooming. Maybe they would eventually be finished by the time he was through with Toronado.

He was nearly finished when he heard them coming into the cave. "I remember that cave," Victoria exclaimed when she came down the steps.

"Felipe, you're here?" Diego was surprised to find him in the cave. Felipe only smiled and took the chance to bolt through the entrance back into the library. Relieved he closed the door behind him. It would probably take some time, until Diego and Victoria were ready to come out again. In the cave they would be uninterrupted to do whatever they needed to do, talking or kissing or whatever.

Z Z Z

After Diego announced his engagement with Victoria, Felipe told him that he wanted to leave after the wedding.

"Felipe, why do you want to go? My wedding won't change a thing between us. There is still a place for you here. Do you think I don't want you anymore when I'm married to Victoria? You are my son and nothing will change that. Victoria accepts you too." Diego sounded hurt.

'No, Father, it's not because of Victoria. It's because I want to go. You'll have Victoria and your father to support you if you continue to ride as Zorro. I have been in the shadow of Zorro too long. I want to live my own life now.'

"Where do you want to go, Felipe? To Spain? What do you want to do with your life? What do you want to become?"

'No, not to Spain. I want to to go to Mexico city. I'm not sure yet, what I want to do. If I want to become lawyer I should study the law of this country and not that of Spain.'

"So you want to become a lawyer?"

'I haven't made up my mind. Maybe I'll be working as a sword master or go into science. I need to get away from here to find out. You have taught me all you know and now it's time for me to see the world. I'm a de la Vega now, but in the pueblo they still see me as a servant and not as your son. If I go away for some time and return after I have completed my studies it will be different.'

"I understand, Felipe though I'll miss you. But that's something all parents have to live with to see their children leave home."

Z Z Z

Felipe had left Los Angeles the day after Diego's wedding with best wishes from all of his family. He was excited about his new life at the university of Mexico. In a few minutes his professor would introduce him to his new fellow students.

"Ah, Don Felipe, there you are," the professor greeted him when he entered the class room. "Don't be so shy." The professor addressed the other students. "Please welcome with me your new comrade Don Felipe de la Vega from California."

Felipe stepped forward into the room and no longer in the shadows of his father he was in the center of attention for the first time of his life.

He thought he could get used to it.

THE END


End file.
